Score of ZERO

Wasn't it just like any other ordinary day, I had in my life. Maybe it was. But if it was, then why do I chance to think of it, think about it; every time i chance to think...

It was a Sunday evening. I was running away from a wedding. No, I wasn't the groom.It was my dad's cousin's son's wedding. I boarded the train at Bombay Central. The rains had drenched my clothes, my body, my soles. But I loved them. I felt they purified something deep within me, something that never got cleaned otherwise. Something called soul. There weren't many passengers. I grabbed myself a window seat. That's when I saw you. You were playing with the drops that were pushed in through the window by the winds. You were all wet. You looked, well, to say the least, some superlative form of beautiful. I looked away. I didn't want you to feel I was eyeing you. I pretended to stare out of the window.The raindrops were beating on the windoow sill and the winds were pushing them in. The sun's last rays were peeking in through the clouds, through the rains, through the window. Everything seemed so beautiful. I wasn't conscious of your presence anymore. I guess, for a few moments, I even forgot that there was a beautiful girl sitting just opposite to me. That is when a gush of wind came in and threw up a mug full of water onto my face. I turned my face away and chanced to glance at you...again. You seemed to be enjoying the rains just as much as I did. That innocent twinkle in your eyes everytime a drop beat onto your skin, set a lot of bells ringing in my heart. I loved that shadow your hair cast on your face as the final sunrays of the day tried to peek through them into your face. I looked away. You were so beautiful, that I started to wonder if I had ever seen anything as lovely as your face.
The rains seem to have got heavy and I could feel in my heart that both of us were loving it. I can still remember, the way you frowned when some old lady asked you to pull down the window. You looked like that little girl whose favorite doll was being snatched away from her. I guess, she was scared she'd get wet...hehe. That is when, I, your knight in shining armour, quipped back, "Aunty, it's not even a drizzle, and the clouds, too are dispersing." She was not convinced, but that was enough to shut her up for some time. I can still remember the way you smiled when I said that. You seemed to be staring at me and for the first time in my life, I was staring into the eyes of a girl. They were so pure, so innocent, so gentle. There was no doubt, no worry, no pain, no suspicion in them. I felt, they allowed me to peek right into your soul and I thought they saw mine too. I felt like I was dancing with the clouds, on the tune of the wind, on the beats of the rain, with you. I wanted you to keep staring at me, that way, for the rest of my life. No, I didn't feel like talking to you. I guess, there was no need to. You already knew everything about me and I, everything about you, or so I thought. I had lost all sense of time and place. I could see, nothing, but your eyes. I could feel, nothing, but your gaze. I just wanted time to stop and that moment to last for eternity.
A lady, I guess, she must be your mother, asked you to get up. Your station was about to come. You got up, lost your balance and almost fell on me. You grabbed my shirt for support. I held you to help you and that is when I saw it. You were not looking at me. You were staring right through my face, through my eyes, into those dead walls, behind me. Your mother helped you get off the train and you walked away, with the help of that stick, she gave you. I kept staring at you as you faded away into the distance, out of the station, out of my life.
I was so wet. My body had gone numb. But I could feel something warm roll down my cheeks, must be tears. Something was rushing into my head, from my heart, must be blood. Something felt so empty, that my entire body wanted to collapse right into it, must be my soul.

Hey, it's almost a decade since that day now. Even today, when I travel by the locals of Mumbai, I expect to see you by some window. The only sad part is, I can't travel by the Ladies Compartment anymore. You see, I am a grown up now, with a not so fully grown beard, and a moustache. They just won't let me in there anymore.
You know what, I can't remember your face anymore. No, I can't remember any detail. I guess, I wouldn't recognise you even if I saw you.
I have been in love a couple of times, since that evening. I still am not sure, what this word means. The Oxford Dictionary meaning of love that appeals the most to me, is 'score of zero' in the game called life. I have come to believe, that one can fall in love, but never fail in it.
No, I didn't love your body.
I didn't love your soul.
I loved the way those eyes of yours made me feel.
Those eyes, that never saw me.
Those eyes, that never could...